alwaysbleeding:

Not unless one guy’s got the other in an upside-down bear hug, sweetie. Otherwise you have to stop walking to blow each other.

It’s definitely going to be weird watching all the gay people literally fucking in the streets. Just scissoring and buttfucking right there on the sidewalk, giving all that oral sex to each other up against lampposts and stuff.

Because that’s what marriage is all about. I know because I am privileged to have had the option for heterosexual unions my entire life, and that’s one of the coolest parts. The first thing I did when I put the ring on Natalie’s finger was to take her out in the middle of Cherry street and just bury my face in her knickers. It was a little weird because some other people had just gotten married and they were already fucking on top of someone’s car, and another couple from a nearby church were doing some shit with rubber toys I still don’t fully understand, but we tried our best to ignore them and focus on the very public, totally legal sex we were about to have.

The cool thing about America is that when you get married here it supersedes all indecent exposure and lewd conduct laws, and you can basically just walk into a preschool and start sucking on your husband’s dick or ejaculating all over your wife’s hair right in front of the kids, or go down on each other in the toothpaste aisle at Target.

It’s awesome, and I’m extremely happy to share that awesomeness with many fine, gay Americans thanks to the progressive attitudes of people in several key states.

See you on the sidewalks, gays! And you’d better not have any clothes on, you married sons of bitches! Live nude totally public fucking! Wooooooo!

Giggling.